As I write this, I am laying confined to my bed, because Kyle is making me. Okay it sounds way more dramatic and harsh than it is. The truth is, he knows me all to well. He knows that it’s hard for me to slow down. I’m always adding one more thing to the list, or if I’m tired I just ‘tough it out’, I’m that kind of person. I don’t like to give up, and I really don’t like being ‘weak’. So for him to make me go to bed and relax at 7:12 pm is probably a good thing!
This month so far has been tough lessons in letting go. It’s no surprise that fertility drugs are a beast on my body (if you follow me on IG you’ll already be in the ‘know’), and this month has been no exception! The only blessing I have had this month is good, deep sleep every night, minus the hot flashes! Holy hannah those are not fun. Okay carrying on, as I was saying this month has been tough on my body. I have honestly ballooned up, or at least I feel like I have. I mean, I blew four holes in my pants in the caboose region while on the job site! That was a trauma all on it’s own ha! As a person who has always been smaller, it’s hard to watch these changes when I don’t even have a really good reason, other than no control over the hormones raging and taking over my body! My stomach is also so swollen, and it feels ‘heavy’. My chin looks like a teenagers, with the coming and going of acne, that I have honestly just given up and accepted because what else can I do?
Don’t worry, this is actually going somewhere! My acupuncturist kind of cracked the whip on slowing down and listening to my body, because last time I saw her my body was ‘deficient’. Its not that I am really hard on my body, I’m just not good at slowing down. If I’m tired from these drugs I have been urged to rest, or if I’m starving an hour after I eat who cares, eat! And most of all if my stomach hurts, or ovaries area hurts..rest! This prompted me to do a bit of research, and I found too that women who struggled with fertility, and were on drugs, and working along side a specialist, took it easy, and were really easy on themselves and body. They did everything in their power to make their body a warm, cozy home for a baby. And they swear this helped…
So currently this is me. A new pair of pants later, an investment in cover up, willing to try anything that could help, and learning to let go and just let be what will be. Deep down I know this is a lesson that will serve me better in the future, in all aspects of life and I’m okay with that!