Dear you. Walking into the room with all the strength you can muster between your frail bones and your walker..to find the only seat left in the waiting room, and gingerly sit down. You sit down, well aware of the eyes watching you..perhaps the pity felt for you because it’s hard not to notice your blue scarf wrapped around your head. Minutes pass, and you allow your head to tilt back and rest against the wall because you feel weak from your chemo. You sit patiently, as you have done this before awaiting for your name to be called and your turn to be next to draw yet another blood sample. Dear lady…I see you.
Dear you. Approaching a crowded, and terribly small waiting room. Grabbing your toddlers hand in yours, all while carrying your baby on your hip you approach the not so discreet front counter. While waiting for the clerk, your daughter decides it a good time to lay down on the floor and make herself comfortable. All eyes are watching as you try to coax her up off the floor to the best of your ability because your hands are full with your baby and your toddlers pee sample. The clerk arrives and as she asks you a long list of questions, your toddler thinks it a good idea to make a run for the door. Instead I coax her to sit next to me and make small talk with your little girl. As you answer questions to the distracted and rushed clerk, your toddler begins to undress handing me her boots, then her socks, and her coat. With horror on your face I tell you not to worry as I re-dress your little girl so you can gracefully get out of the tiny waiting room as soon as possible. As you leave you say thank you and walk away. Dear mama…don’t worry..I see you.
Dear you. The mama in waiting. Your arms are empty, yet long every single day for your own to hold. Your heart is heavy, yet tender as you daily navigate. You battle the enemy of your mind, that tricks you daily into a million ‘what-ifs’, loads of panic surrounding ‘time’, a whole lot of ‘worry’ and other non useful games. The endless waves of emotion that rocks your boat on the daily..never knowing what the waters will be for that day. The let down. Sometimes you are strong and other times shocked by your frailty. The endless wonder of if it will ever be your turn..and how will it be. Dear mama in waiting…remember you are not alone. I see you. I am you.
Dear husband. Walking by my side through this whole journey. Answering my call, waiting quietly as I sob on the other end knowing I can’t pull my crap together in this very moment. You gently say hold on, I’ll be right there, and hang up the phone. Minutes later arriving with a tea and cookie to help soothe our disappointment. You tenderly wrap your arms around me as I sob some more and hold me close. You let our hearts beat together in disappointment, no words exchanged, as we both know non are needed. When all is calmer you say the kindest, most encouraging words, encouraging us both to keep going forward. Dear Kyle. I could never have picked a better life partner..even if I tried. God knew what he was doing giving me you. Dear husband, I see you..and all that you do for us, and all that you are to me. I truly couldn’t love you more.
If there is one thing I have been reminded of, it’s that life isn’t always pretty, easy, or sunny. It’s not meant to be. We are all in some sort of journey in life, trying to navigate daily and do our best. There are others that are in a sunnier season than us, and others in a stormier season than us. But what is the most important is that we are kind to one another. If I could say one thing, it’s that try smiling to the next stranger you see. You never know what our fellow neighbour is dealing with, or feeling, and sometimes the gentlest gesture of a smile can go a long way. Let’s spread a little love and grace. We all know this world could use it!